How To Be A Good Neighbour

I live in suburbia (for now). As do most of you, I’m sure. I have a fence and a back yard. I have grass that is  confetti’d with yellow flowers that are also lovingly displayed on my kitchen counter in a plastic juice cup as a gift from my littles. I have a driveway covered in a mosaic of chalk drawings. I have a dead tree out front.

Livin’ the dream, right?

Well that depends on who you share a fence with. Now that we can officially say that spring is upon us, the neighbours are emerging from their long winter hibernation to fire up their lawn mowers and it got me to thinkin’ that over the years we’ve had some really great neighbours and some terrible ones too. I’ve compiled a list of do’s and don’ts on how to be a good neighbour, in case you didn’t know. Feel free to print this page and anonymously tape it the door beside you!

 

 

Don’t fire up your lawn mower before 8am on a weekend. If you really want to be a rock star neighbour, hold off till 9am. The weather is getting warming and I love fresh air at night. We often have our windows open and trust me, you do not want to wake me up to a lawn mower, it won’t be pretty.

Do mow both halves of the 4 foot wide strip of grass that divides our 2 driveways. It would take more energy and concentration for you to eye it up and only cut your half of that tiny patch of grass. Have a RedBull, put on extra sunscreen and mow those extra 10 paces because when you don’t everyone thinks you’re a jerk and when you do mow it, you’re a rockstar! Take your pick. This also applies to snow shovelling up to but not exceeding your property line on the sidewalk. Come on man, go that extra 2 feet to the start of the next driveway and put away your ruler!

Don’t discipline my kids about leaving their bikes on your lawn. They’re kids. They didn’t consult the property lines on the “real property report” before laying their bikes down or putting their pop up tent in the front yard. In case you haven’t noticed, your grass sort of runs into my grass.

Do share the cost of building a fence. It’s true what they say, “good fences make good neighbours” so if you want to respectfully decline my proposal to share in the cost of a beautiful cedar stained 8 foot, then you have no right to complain when I fork out 100% of the cost of a 3 foot fence made of recycled bike wheels and old barbie heads. Just let that sink in a minute.

 

 

Don’t speed down our street. Like ever. Or any residential street for that matter. In case you haven’t noticed, the burbs are currently infested with thousands of tiny beings that have no sense of self preservation. They are known for chasing balls across streets. Riding their bikes down the middle of the road. Coloring sidewalks to look like Picasso. And as much as my constant knee jerk reaction when my kids walk out the door to play is to yell, “watch out for cars!” I give it a strong 40% chance they listen to me. Slow down.

Do bring in my garbage bins. No, I’m not expecting you to be my personal garbage valet but for all the hundreds of times I roll your bins from the curb up to the side of the house, you should take that as a cue to reciprocate. I roll, then you roll, then I roll, then you roll. If the stoners can do it, it can’t be that hard of a concept.

 

 

Don’t pretend you don’t see me. I see you, buddy. I see you walking to your car with your head down. I see you unloading your groceries. I see you walking your dog. I’m not interested in having a 60 minute Oprah style sit down heart to heart but our houses are so close, I’m sure you’ve heard me flush a toilet when the windows are open, don’t be shy, smile and wave, dude, smile and wave.

I’m not saying that I’m a perfect Martha Stewart type neighbour who will bake you cookies and trade babysitting hours with you. I have 4 busy and loud kids who like to spread out and run amuck but as long as we have to live in this bubble called the suburbs lets try to play nice.

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