How to get your kids to stop asking to sleep in your bed

The following story is sponsored by K-Y as always, the opinions and ideas are my own.

This is a true story based on actual events that happened in my house. The names have NOT been changed, I own every part. I’m not one to shy away from sharing the real real on life around here. Raising four daughters, I’m trying to give them as much honesty as I can but sometimes, it’s too much, even for them. This is a cautionary tale of the time my kid found my K-Y and how to get your kids to stop asking to sleep in your bed. 

My husband travels on occasion for work. On a particularly long trip, my oldest child (teenager) was feeling overly clingy and came to my room at bedtime. 

“Mom, I miss dad, would it be ok if I sleep in your bed tonight with you?”

Knowing that she hasn’t asked to sleep in my bed since she was somewhere in the single digits of age, I smiled at her. 

“Of course my love. Hop in.”

The next morning we woke up to a bright sunny day. We laid in bed stretching and exchanging sleep reports on how well rested we felt. As she was stretching and hugging her dads pillow, she drew back her hand with a small bottle and turned it over with a curious look on her face. 

I froze for a second in a flinching sort of way immediately knowing what she had found. All I could do was wait for the reaction and follow up inquiry. 

She studied the bottle with great care reading the front and then turning it over and reading the back as if it was one of her latest book selections.  She started reading aloud.

“Personal lubricant. Quickly prepares you for intimacy. Protects against discomfort. #1 doctor recommended lubricant brand.”

Long pause.

Looks up at me.

“Mom, what’s this stuff for? What exactly is ‘personal lubricant’?”

Ok, here we go. There’s no turning back. I can either lie to her and make up some story about sore muscles and massaging or I can just be honest with her. Heck she’s probably going to use the stuff at some point in her life, might as well educate and empower her to take control of her own sex life (EVENTUALLY), just like I did.   

I clear my throat.

“Ummm, so that’s K-Y. It’s a personal lubricant that we, your dad and I, use sometimes (pause) during (longer pause) sex.”

She looks at me, then looks at the bottle. Then back to me. 

“I don’t understand. Why do you need lubricant?”

I smile, let’s have some fun with it, shall we.

“Well, on occasion some women of a certain age need some help with moisture when they want to be intimate with their partner. You know, I’ve had 4 children and I’m over 40, things are a lot different for me sexually than they were in my 20’s and 30’s. Did you know that ⅔’s of the month women are not optimally lubricated for sex?  And to be quite honest, K-Y is also a great tool when I’m…by myself (wink wink).”

I take a breath and continue before she can react.

“And really, at the end of the day, this almost empty bottle of K-Y is a good sign. It’s a sign that your parents like each other enough to be intimate after almost 20 years of being together. It’s a sign that we communicate our needs. It’s a sign that we are interested in having better sex always. Basically this bottle is a sign that your parents have a good strong marriage and you should be happy to see this almost empty bottle of K-Y in our bed!”

Blink blink

“Okaaaaayyyyy, thanks for that, mom. I…I…ewww, just…that’s just a lot of information to take in…and…ok, then, I gotta go.”

I smile again. 

“Ok honey, no problem, let me know if you have any questions. Oh hey, do you want to sleep in my room again tonight?”

She stops in my doorway.

“Nope, I’m good! Forever!”

Turning on her heels, she walks away.

And ‘that’ my friends, is how you get your kids to stop asking to sleep in your bed. 

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