Penises, Periods and Pot Roast

Dinner time on Wednesday gave a whole new meaning to the term, “hump day”.

There’s something about sitting around the dinner table with the girls that inspires the most interesting and sometimes hilarious conversations. And of course, this was the night that Brent had a dinner meeting.

It started with Brigette telling me that she played with someone new at recess and how that girl has a twin brother who is also in her class. This story sparked a question: “How can a boy and a girl be twins?” Knowing that she knows a bit about twins from her identical twin sisters, I started to explain how 2 of the mommy’s eggs get fertilized by the daddy’s sperm, yada, yada, yada.

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“You know, thats how babies are made right? The daddy puts his sperm inside the mommy?”

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“OMG, haven’t we told you guys about how you were made?”  And then….

BOOM!

Rapid fire questions from all angles. Ummmm, oh, ummmm, wait, wait, I have a book for this! Lemme go get it. Just wait a second. (runs to bedroom to find books purchased over a year ago for just such an occasion while truly thinking, “haven’t I had this conversation with them already?”)

Ok girls, lets start at the beginning. I flipped thru the pages of THIS book and THIS book and used the cartoon type pictures to help explain and answer their hundreds of questions. I have to say that I always thought this conversation was going to be harder. Scarier. In reality I discovered that I’m really good at explaining facts and science. How hard can that be? There’s no “story” to come up with, just the facts ma’am.

I took a deep breath and opened the book.

 

How does the man get the sperm inside the woman?

Well, the man puts his penis inside the woman’s vagina and the sperm comes out of the penis. (In my head I’m screaming, please don’t ask how it comes out of the penis, PLEEEEEEAAASE, I’m not ready for THAT question.)

 

So my body has eggs inside it? Like right now?

Yes, your body has eggs inside it (although so small you can only see them with a high powered microscope).

 

What happens when there is no sperm to meet the egg? Does the egg die? Does it fall out?

This was a lengthy answer about a girls changing body and getting their first period. They both took it well although Brigette being 9 1/2 quickly asked, “so could a  girl get her first period at 10!?” Thankfully for her I did not start my period early so there’s a good chance she won’t either. Phew!

 

The only question that gave me pause was the inevitable, “What is sex?” Thankfully my trusty books had a good answer that I could use and expand on. And no matter how age appropriate I explained it and how I avoided words like, doggy style, giddy up and mind blowing (kidding, of course), I still got a horrified look from Brigette when she said, “Do you and Dad do THAT?”

And an even more horrified look when I very calmly answered, yes…we do.

“Oh, that’s just disgusting!” (I really had to hold in the laughter at this point)

But at least you have your clothes on, right?

Well no, it’s very difficult to have sex with clothes on.

Ewwwwww! You guys are naked….together?

Yes…we are.

Stella’s response was a firm, “Well, I don’t ever want to do that.” Followed by, “I’m just going to adopt a baby because I don’t want it to hurt when the baby comes out.”

I have to say that I got great amusement from watching how grossed out they were by the mere thought that their parents have “the sex”. It certainly is a full circle moment because we can all remember having the same grossed out feelings at even the sight of our parents kissing. Some of us even remember “the book” our parents used to explain sex to us.

Remember this?

 

In the days after our discussion, I left the books out on the table for the kids to read and look at when they felt like it. I was pleased to find that they’ve all taken turns flipping thru the books and have come up with more questions. After all, it will be an ongoing discussion and education for many years to come. It was important for them to understand that everything that is going to happen to their bodies is perfectly normal and EVERY girl will experience the same thing. They seem to take comfort in knowing that they are not alone in this journey and that all their friends will be on the journey too.  And although the twins are just under 5 years old and they probably didn’t understand much of what they heard, at least now I know that the big “sex” talk isn’t something to fear.

Keep calm and keep it simple, just the facts ma’am.